Relationships, yes, they are hard. It takes action and work to make them awesome.
Relationships are not about proximity. Though when you are physically near somebody, it often feels easier to get along, because you are around them more often. They are not about how close someone is to you, but how close you feel to someone.
Anything from an acquaintance to a business associate or a friendship, they all take some level of grooming and growing. Any relationship takes work and commitment from both parties. And they all take ongoing and mutual communication. Communication is probably the most valuable point because if there is no communication, there is likely no relationship.
Intimate relationships are even harder. They take real work to maintain, let alone grow. Society sells us that love is a feeling, it’s a thing. This isn’t true; love is a verb. Love is action. Action paired with emotion – the action part is the work that you have to commit to, every day, the feelings then compliment the actions. I am not implying that every day has to be super happy or look like a sunny day at the beach. I think society sells you on that dream. And, I hate to break it to you, society doesn’t sell you on the time portion. The actual time that it takes to groom a good relationship.
Keep in mind, even in a great relationship, you may not always like the other person. You may love them, actively taking the action to love them, but you may disagree with their actions or their methods in certain situations. A healthy relationship is not built on unconditional agreement. It is built on unconditional communication and understanding.
Communication in any relationship is a big deal, it can make or break your relationship.
While there could be a much longer post on communicating, Let’s talk about some important relational fundamentals of communication.
- Talk face to face. Especially if there is tension, look the other person in the eye and have the fortitude to have a straightforward discussion WITH them. Even though they are readily available, texting and social media remove the intimacy of communication; no tone, no spoken voice, no body language. Sitting down and speaking to someone sometimes, by itself can heal a wounded relationship.
- Listen. You know, God gave you two ears and one mouth. So if the relationship is valuable (and it should be). When it is someone else’s turn to speak, just be quiet. Listen to understand, not to simply hear, or rebuttal what your partner is telling you.
- Consider what is most important to your partner. Hopefully, if you did in fact, listen to them, you will know this one. What is important to them, in business, for family, one on one time; what are their hopes, dreams, and goals? If you can’t define what is important to the other person, it’s you, not them.
Any relationship can be a healthy relationship. But, you have to decide the value you place on it, then you will have to work your ass off to make it worthwhile. Not just to make it worth your while to show up, but to make it valuable for your partner as well.